CLAW HAMMER

Environment - Celebration Meeting for Five Years of Service

Scene 1: Group of eight people and a manager with a laptop attached to an overhead projector clapping as one employee with a fake orange tan receives a gold wrapped box for five years of service with the company.

Scene 2: He opens the gift to display his 105 piece tool set. Included in the gift is a claw hammer with a sponge grip for comfort.

Scene 3: Asian American turns to the Obese Caucasian. "What do you think he will use this for?" Both begin to Giggle. Obese man replies..."After five years service they hand out weapons to employees? He will use it to tear open skulls of other employees! It's a way the company keeps down it's population."

Scene 4: Asian American is laughing as he points out, "With that sponge comfort grip, the employee wouldn't get carpal tunnel when he is tearing out his coworkers skulls. These companies think of everything!"

Lesson Learned: When providing gifts for employees, ensure the safety of all when choosing from a catelogue!


Environment: Support Centre

Scene 1: Manager speaking, "Come into my office, I would like to show you something."
Employee Walks into the office and watches the manager pull out his USB hard drive from his pocket. With an evil grin the manager begins typing and moving folders around in windows explorer. "Look at this!" The manager points at his screen.

Scene 2: Employee silently screams. The manager is holding an automatic weapon with bullets wrapped around his waste. "Um...it's ah....pretty cool."

Scene 3: Manager shows an AVI file of him shooting the gun with red tracers at targets.

Scene 4: Scared shitless employee faints. The next day he quits...fearing for his life.

Lesson Learned: When showing pictures that you want to impress someone with, think of the consequences of your powerful position over that person.


Scene 4:

CANADIAN GOOSE

Environment: Outside of Support Center Building

Scene1: African American lady is driving in a car and sees a group of Canada Geese walking across the road. She remembers that birds usually fly away as you drive and continues to accelerate.

Scene2: Puff of feathers and birds go crazy! She stops her car. Gets out and stares in disbelief. Back in Kenya, a bird would fly away when a car comes.

Scene 3: A second Canada Goose comes over and looks at the dead one and starts honking. It seems upset.

Scene 4: African American lady remembers a scene from National Geographic. "Canadian Geese mate FOREVER!"

Scene 5: She gets back into her car, backs up and then drives over the second bird.

Scene 6: A sign zooms in. Killing a Canada Goose is punishible by a $2500 fine. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

The End

Lesson Learned: If your spouse takes one for the team - don't act too upset - you never know who is watching!



Environment: Inside Apartment

Scene1: Asian American lady is peaking through her blinds. She babbles in Chinese and asks her husband to wake up. She shakes his toes. He grunts in Chinese.

Scene2: 10 Minutes Later - Asian man realizes his wife is still looking through the blinds. He walks over and peaks out. He sees a car bouncing. He looks closer, he can see two white couples having sex inside the car.

Scene 3: He is fiddling with his camera, a super zoom camera. He looks disapointed. "I can't see them in my lens!"

Scene 4: Asian Americans so turned on by the voyerism...they are having sex in their bed now...violently.


The End

Lesson Learned: Always carry a night vision camera lens...always!


Environment: Meeting

Scene1: Asian American sitting beside obese Canadian

Scene2: Obese Canadian rubs Chinese man's head like a little yellow pet.

Scene 3: Asian American is purring like a cat

Scene 4: Manager sees this - looks confused...then cancels the meeting immediately and everyone leaves the room.

The End

Lesson learned: ???